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  • Christine Mattingly

Becoming a Widow

Becoming a widow. It is a club that I thought that I would never be in. And, I understand that everyone one of us that has joined this club, wants to be black-balled. Unfortunately, their is no prejudice, there are no refunds, and there are no rejects. Once your in, your in.

There are days now, where the 'storm' of emotions are calm. But, out of no where, it comes back forward focus and then your caught in a thought of 'how did this even happen'.

I became my husband's caregiver, with the Loving & Beautiful help from two magnificent women. We helped him the last 5 years of his life. And I will always appreciate with huge gratitude the service these ladies gave of themselves.

Trust me, there were days that I was just done, Plenty of exhaustion, worry, and scared of mistakes. Would I do it all over again and change it. Yes. But, I would have missed many of the lessons that came our way. I would have missed the moments that we would never have shared together. And I would have missed the night before he passed when he told me from his heart how much he appreciated everything that I had done for him. Neither one of us knew that this was his last night. I feel blessed to have the gift of appreciation before he left onto his final journey.

Why am I sharing this? Well, some of this is selfishly cathartic. And, this just Might give something that someone needs.

It will not be easy. But, it somehow does seem more manageable. You will still get their mail. You will still get their voicemails and texts. You will still see their favorite vehicle. You will see their favorite dessert ..... so on and so on. Then one day without any warning, the sharpness will seem a little duller. You can look at their picture without putting it down as quickly as possible. And sometimes, you might even smile.

This is also why I do what I do. Provide comfort and validation, and to Always Cause Joy!

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